In Need of a Creative Outlet

I think my subconscious is in serious need of some sort of actively creative outlet.

I've always had kind of weird dreams, but lately, I've been feeling like my imagination must be on crack. A few nights ago I had a dream that ended with me threatening to dismember someone who had been threatening a friend. Sounds really dark, right? Here's the problem: my dialogue at this point in the dream was in the form of really corny 1980's rap. I don't remember much of what I said (and no, I won't quote it here for you, sorry :P ), but I do know that it rhymed. I actually ran through it in my head right after I woke up and was rather shocked that I could make that much sense in my sleep, even if the medium my subconscious chose was kind of awful. (I mean, really? 80's rap?! There are some things I should just never, ever attempt to do...that's one of them.)

I always struggle to get out of bed in the morning, but with these crazy dreams, it's been harder than ever. The dreams are so vivid, and it seems I hardly have to try to get back into them if I wake up in the middle. It's easier to work out all of the ridiculous crap running around in my head when I can visualize it in a dream than it is when I'm stuck awake.

I wish I could draw as vividly as I can imagine things. I'm trying, but I get frustrated so quickly when things don't turn out they way I want them to. I need to start writing again. Writing has always been the way in which I best express myself. The problem is that I always have multiple storylines running around in my head at any given time, and it's hard to sort them out and pin them down on paper. Sometimes when I try to actually write a story down, when I actually focus on one story in particular, it disappears. It's frustrating, but I know I can't force a story. The best stories are the ones that can take on a life of their own and write themselves. Not that writing doesn't require an enormous amount of effort on the part of the writer. It does. It just can't be forced if it's going to sound...real, I guess.

Now if I could just learn to harness that creative energy to get homework done, I might actually be productive sometimes. :P

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Pointless Tuesday Ramblings

My 21st birthday is exactly four months from today. I’m looking forward to being able to enjoy daiquiris at Applebees when I go out with friends.

I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately. My best friend in high school is still one of my best friends today. I feel pretty lucky to be able to say that.

My Tuesday/Thursday class sometimes makes me want to stab my eye out with a pen. Maybe that’s why I take notes on my computer. :P

I found my dream apartment the other day. I don’t think I can afford it. Maybe with a roommate.

In the past six weeks or so, I’ve heard ten different engagement announcements. I’m expecting that to multiply exponentially over the course of the year. This makes me feel old.

I wish I was better at making more time to fit reading for fun into my schedule. I have shelves and piles of books in my dorm and my room at home that I still haven’t read.

I’ve been really tired for the past week for no apparent reason. It makes sitting through classes that much more difficult when no amount of coffee seems to wake me up.