Hurting Can Be Helpful

Friendships are wonderful, beautiful things. Being able to love and to be loved are two of the greatest joys we can experience as humans.

Unfortunately, the people that we love are also the people who can hurt us the most.

A very dear friend of mine had to deal with this today. She truly desires to be the best friend she can be to people. Sadly, this sometimes means that she lets people walk all over her. I have a tendency to do the same thing, so I can understand how difficult it can be to stand up for oneself in relationships (meaning relationships of all sorts -- friendships, family relationships, etc.). Today, this friend of mine did what was quite possibly the bravest thing she's done in her entire life. She chose to very gently and lovingly point out to one of her friends that he had hurt her. She could not have been more sincere in her desire to make their friendship work out, and she actually stood up for herself so that he could learn to be aware of how his actions affect other people -- so that he could learn to be a better friend and a better person in general.

However, her friend chose to go on the defensive, twisting her words and interpreting them as an attack on his character. Rather than realizing the true purpose of her gentle criticism of his actions -- to help him -- he focused solely on his bruised ego, taking extreme offense to something that was intended for good.

Hurting someone to help them is a bit of a strange concept. It's so easy to take offense at the constructive criticism our loved ones offer -- rather than acknowledging that they're acting out of love, we wallow in self-pity, claiming they have no right to tell us how we ought to live our lives. At the same time, we can often so easily offer criticism (constructive or otherwise) about others. At some point last year, I decided that this particular principle can be summed up in one simple sentence:

It's easier to look through a window than into a mirror.

I know I tend to be far too sensitive to criticism. Rather than learn from the observations of others, I persist in acting like an idiot until it really gets me into trouble. Rather than acknowledging my sin when God convicts me of something, I push on in rebellion. I want to feel like I can run my own life and make my own mistakes without ever affecting another person.

But that's just not how life works. My decisions, my stupid mistakes do have an impact on others. My refusal to accept criticism can forge barriers in my relationships that, if not properly addressed, can end up causing those relationships permanent damage.

So, now I come back to the two basic principles of my last two blogs: I need to learn to surrender, and I need to be conscious of how my words and actions are affecting those around me.

Think God might be trying to tell me something?