Actually, I love hugs. I'm not talking about awkward little pat on the back hugs. I mean real hugs. The hugs that make you feel totally loved and protected. Most of my friends will say that I give good hugs. There are a few people who think I hug too tight (which, in all reality, is probably a fair statement), but for the most part, people like my hugs. That's fine with me—I like giving them. I feel the same way about backrubs. I don't get them very often, but I love giving them (and apparently I'm good at giving them . . . so good I've actually put people to sleep.)
In the past couple of months I have been realizing more and more how important touch is to me. I've known and readily acknowledged for a long time that touch is how I most easily express love or concern for someone, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how much of the world I experience through touch. When I go clothes shopping, I'll reach out and touch things that look like they have an interesting texture, usually without realizing that I'm doing it. When I'm walking just about anywhere I unconsciously position myself in such a way that I can almost always be within arm's length of something (or someone, if I'm with a friend). I am just a very touch-oriented person.
As I've been realizing all of this, I've also been realizing that this particular aspect of my personality is sometimes part of what causes me to struggle in my relationship with God. The friends that I feel most comfortable with (there may be one exception) are the ones that understand my need to be . . . close. I like to cuddle. Again, I love hugs. Just being close to people I care about is really important to me. So when it comes to having a relationship with a God who I know is personal, but who nonetheless is not a tactile presence . . . that's difficult for me. I wouldn't go so far as to say that God is intangible . . . He's just not a physical presence, someone who's right there to give me a hug or a shoulder to cry on when I need one.
The strange thing about all of this is that it never used to be an issue. Once upon a time, way back in the days of junior high when life just plain sucked and there was literally no one else who knew that I wasn't ok . . . back then, I really did feel like God was there, holding me. I know that might sound strange to a lot of people, but that's the way it was. Now, here I am, 20 instead of 12, and I feel like I've taken a baby step or two forward, fallen flat on my back, and slid off to someplace totally removed from where I started or where I was supposed to end up.
I don't think I have any conclusions for this blog . . . I've just been thinking a lot, and I have a sneaking suspicion if I stick this up on the internet I'll get some sort of feedback from those of you who are older and wiser.
In the past couple of months I have been realizing more and more how important touch is to me. I've known and readily acknowledged for a long time that touch is how I most easily express love or concern for someone, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how much of the world I experience through touch. When I go clothes shopping, I'll reach out and touch things that look like they have an interesting texture, usually without realizing that I'm doing it. When I'm walking just about anywhere I unconsciously position myself in such a way that I can almost always be within arm's length of something (or someone, if I'm with a friend). I am just a very touch-oriented person.
As I've been realizing all of this, I've also been realizing that this particular aspect of my personality is sometimes part of what causes me to struggle in my relationship with God. The friends that I feel most comfortable with (there may be one exception) are the ones that understand my need to be . . . close. I like to cuddle. Again, I love hugs. Just being close to people I care about is really important to me. So when it comes to having a relationship with a God who I know is personal, but who nonetheless is not a tactile presence . . . that's difficult for me. I wouldn't go so far as to say that God is intangible . . . He's just not a physical presence, someone who's right there to give me a hug or a shoulder to cry on when I need one.
The strange thing about all of this is that it never used to be an issue. Once upon a time, way back in the days of junior high when life just plain sucked and there was literally no one else who knew that I wasn't ok . . . back then, I really did feel like God was there, holding me. I know that might sound strange to a lot of people, but that's the way it was. Now, here I am, 20 instead of 12, and I feel like I've taken a baby step or two forward, fallen flat on my back, and slid off to someplace totally removed from where I started or where I was supposed to end up.
I don't think I have any conclusions for this blog . . . I've just been thinking a lot, and I have a sneaking suspicion if I stick this up on the internet I'll get some sort of feedback from those of you who are older and wiser.
2 comments:
Given what you said - what do people mean when they say or pray that they want to 'be Jesus with skin on them' for other people? Is that a meaningless statement, or is that one way God reveals the 'person' part of who He is?
I would say that is definitely one way God reveals the "person" part of who He is, and I wouldn't dream of trivializing that. I just focus so much on that "person" aspect that I lose sight of everything else that God is.
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