Tuesday, February 17, 2009

In Need of a Creative Outlet

I think my subconscious is in serious need of some sort of actively creative outlet.

I've always had kind of weird dreams, but lately, I've been feeling like my imagination must be on crack. A few nights ago I had a dream that ended with me threatening to dismember someone who had been threatening a friend. Sounds really dark, right? Here's the problem: my dialogue at this point in the dream was in the form of really corny 1980's rap. I don't remember much of what I said (and no, I won't quote it here for you, sorry :P ), but I do know that it rhymed. I actually ran through it in my head right after I woke up and was rather shocked that I could make that much sense in my sleep, even if the medium my subconscious chose was kind of awful. (I mean, really? 80's rap?! There are some things I should just never, ever attempt to do...that's one of them.)

I always struggle to get out of bed in the morning, but with these crazy dreams, it's been harder than ever. The dreams are so vivid, and it seems I hardly have to try to get back into them if I wake up in the middle. It's easier to work out all of the ridiculous crap running around in my head when I can visualize it in a dream than it is when I'm stuck awake.

I wish I could draw as vividly as I can imagine things. I'm trying, but I get frustrated so quickly when things don't turn out they way I want them to. I need to start writing again. Writing has always been the way in which I best express myself. The problem is that I always have multiple storylines running around in my head at any given time, and it's hard to sort them out and pin them down on paper. Sometimes when I try to actually write a story down, when I actually focus on one story in particular, it disappears. It's frustrating, but I know I can't force a story. The best stories are the ones that can take on a life of their own and write themselves. Not that writing doesn't require an enormous amount of effort on the part of the writer. It does. It just can't be forced if it's going to sound...real, I guess.

Now if I could just learn to harness that creative energy to get homework done, I might actually be productive sometimes. :P

2 comments:

Colleen said...

I have had the most vivid, weird dreams this weekend--the kind that involve some people I know and some modicum of reality, but mostly just absurdity. I am sad to report that none of them involve such awesome musical stylings.

Lyss said...

Don't worry, I'm sure someday you too will achieve the level of awesome required for that degree of subconscious musical talent. :P Haha, I'm almost disappointed it hasn't happened again. I kind of enjoyed waking up laughing.